Wouldn't it be nice if life were easy? Wouldn't it be nice if choices were easy to make? Wouldn't it be nice if every choice we made had no negative consequences? Wouldn't it be nice?
Life isn't easy, choices aren't easy to make, and every choice has it's pros and cons.
I wrote a post on May 1st all about making choices. There was a story behind the post, but one I couldn't share yet. The way I described feeling in that post is the way I have felt all summer long as we have had to make choices regarding employment and where we live. Steve was approached twice by others in his company about considering a new position within the company. The pay would be good, but we'd have to move to Arkansas. Thanks, but no thanks he told them. The third time he was approached it was by a Vice President in the company. Saying No to him didn't seem like a good thing to do, so he said he'd consider it. I was thinking about it and suddenly felt like God was saying to me "I'm trying to give you something here, but I can't force you to accept it. What more do you want me to do?" Sobbing like a baby, I told Steve we should consider it seriously. This is the right thing to do I told him. We made a trip to Arkansas, found a beautiful house, and sat back to wait for the offer. It didn't come and didn't come and didn't come. Finally, Steve's boss approached him and said that it hadn't come through because he asked them to hold it. He had another position he wanted Steve to consider. This position is the one Steve has been working towards and the one that he really wants. We put Arkansas aside and headed to Arizona. While Arizona is a great place and has it's own kind of beauty, we definitely weren't in Boise anymore, Toto.
We have only lived in Boise for 2 1/2 years, but it feels like home. Neither of us have family here and we are both far from our first homes, but we love it. We had hoped to spend a very long time here. The friends we have both made here and reconnected with here mean so much to us and I'm scared that I'll lose them. Just the idea of us moving I feel has pushed a couple of them away. I don't blame them---Why spend a lot of effort cultivating a friendship with someone who will be leaving soon? But it still hurts and I miss them. Maybe I've done some pushing away too. Maybe it won't hurt so much to leave if we aren't that close anyway.
Sometime after the New Year, we will be packing up our family and head South to in the desert among the cactus, scorpions, and rock landscaping. But for now, I'm not going thinking about it. It's not happening. Maybe in January I'll think about it again. Maybe. If I have to. But I don't to. Wouldn't it be nice if I didn't have to?