Monday, April 09, 2012
Balance. The 'thing' I am searching for, working toward, wishing to find. That doesn't seem like enough. To be balanced I have to have 'just enough' of one thing, but not too much and 'just enough' of another thing, but not too little. Does balance equal mediocre? I want it ALL. But that's not balanced.
I love vivid, bold, and deep colors in my home. My kitchen is a deep blue, my living room is a deep grass green, and my living room is a pumpkin spice orange. Not bright, but bold. Lately I've been seeing a lot of photographs of beautiful rooms with soft, muted tones. Light gray-blues, creamy tans, buttery yellows. "Hhmmm," I think. "Maybe I want THAT." I want both---in all their glory at the same time. A balance isn't enough for me.
The man and I have been thinking about building a new home. Then, in a moment, we think maybe we want to buy a 100+ year old home and renovate it. I want both---in all their glory at the same time.
The good thing about these acts of balance that I can't seem to manage is that if I fail and fall, it's okay. I'm not high above the ground on a tightrope. I'll just fall and it will all be okay.
It's the other balancing acts I'm concerned about. If I lose the balance and fall down on my mommy job, people can get hurt. My kids can get hurt. So I suppose I need to keep my balance.
And just like that, the word 'Balance' is scary, overwhelming, and haunting me. A word just out of reach that needs super balanced tippy toes to reach. And a ballet dancer I am not.