reality

All mixed up. That's what I am. We have known that we would have to move away from Idaho for over 6 months now. I was determined to lived in denial of that fact for as long as possible. Even when we met with our realtor and made all of the plans to put our house on the market official, I still felt very distanced from it. Then one evening, I looked out the front window and saw a "For Sale" sign invading my front yard. That stupid sign sent me into tears faster than cutting an onion. This is real. We are really doing this.

We bought a house in Arizona. I've only seen pictures and the floorplan, but it has just about everything we want---5 bedrooms, lots of space, a play room even. I have little moments of excitement and then I wonder who we'll have over to play in the play room. We'll have our first formal dining room and then I wonder who we'll have over for dinner.

I want to be excited. I know this move is the right thing for us and will provide us with opportunities and adventures that we won't have here. I know change isn't bad. I have moments of excitment and then I remember what I'm leaving here. WHO I'm leaving here. My friends here mean the world to me. Living in a place without family, my friends have become family to me. I am closer to some than others, but each one has a special role in my life and I love each of them dearly.

I'm afraid I won't make any friends. And if I do make good friends, I'll feel guilty. My girls here can't be replaced. You hear that, potential friends in the desert? You have very big shoes to fill!!

We are moving in February. That's next month! Where has all the time gone? Time flies when you don't want it to.