there's more to see

The photo shoot wouldn't have been complete without some contribution from Fat Girl (she's thinning out-we may have to consider a name change. Maybe "The princess formerly known as Fat Girl"). She's more of a "catch-me-if-you-can" kind of girl than a huge ham like Little Boy. She does smile-you just have to work for it and it has to be on her own terms. She's got a mood all her own:

Pretty as a flower, but cuter in a flower.

a conversation with little boy

Having a conversation with Little Boy can be exhausting. He talks and talks and talks...you get the idea. He talks about his favorite things (monster trucks), his favorite people (Grandpa), what he'd like to do (drive a monster truck with Grandpa), what he'd like for his birthday (everything). The list goes on and on. Having a conversation with Little Boy can also be enriching and fulfilling. If you can get him to settle for a moment and talk to you, you get some insight into how special this Little Boy is. He's got a sparkle in his eye that is unmatched, a laugh in his voice that makes me smile, and an energy that I could only wish to have. This Little Boy has great things ahead for him.

Yesterday, we had an impromptu photo session in the backyard. I sat Little Boy down and we talked. Well he talked and I snapped pictures:

How's that for a beautiful conversation?

wierd things

There's some wierdness going around the Blog World. People are sharing all sorts of wierd things about themselves. It's catching, apparently, because I have been infected by Maine Mom. Lest people think I'm no fun, or worse, NORMAL, I'll share some of my wierdness with you.

--I tie my hair in knots. I twirl my hair with my fingers and I can tie knots in my hair with one hand. I've been doing it for years and I have a sister that does the same. It's hereditary and I just can't help it. It's not as bad as it used to be. Now my hands are usually busy and don't have time for hair twisting and twirling much less knot tying. But, my bad habit comes out when I'm watching tv or a movie and it drives Steve crazy. Not as much as his constant tapping and drumming drives me crazy, though.

--I can't stand leaving multiple windows open on my computer desktop. I like a clean desktop. Nevermind that the actual top of my desk is messy and looks similar to Emily's. I close a window as soon as I'm finished with it and I'd rather have to come back to something than to open a new window to use temporarily. It makes me crazy. What also makes me crazy is Steve when he has 8+ windows open on his desktop and he's finished with all but one. Why leave them open? If you ask me, this is more his wierd thing than mine. But he says I'm the wierd one.

--I clean out my nose with Q-Tips. There, I said it. The world now knows. Blowing my nose just doesn't get it clean enough. There are still bits of yuckiness in there and they must come out. Q-Tips are great for this. It's an obsession really, but at least I have a clean nose.

--I like to rock myself to sleep. I lay on my side and rock back and forth. I don't know when this started, but it's soothing and I can fall alseep faster. Unfortunantly, when I do this the entire bed rocks too and Steve isn't into rocking to sleep. I've refrained, but someday we're going to buy one of those "bowling ball mattresses" and I will be able to rock all I want.

--I'm obsessed with correct use and installation of carseats. Wierd, yes, but not bad! I'm just very passionate about my kids (and other people's kids!) being as safe as possible when riding in motor vehicles. I spend a lot of time researching and learning about carseats and how to install them properly. I'm going to be a Child Passenger Safety Expert someday. My 18-month-old is still rear facing and my almost 4 year old is still in a 5-point-harness. My kids aren't any better than yours. Just safer.

--I eat really fast. Steve says I don't chew. I do, just really quickly. I don't know why I practically inhale my food. I just do. I can eat my entire meal while feeding Fat Girl, clear the table, and have half the kitchen cleaned before Steve finishes eating. But, then again, he eats really slow. Our kids seem to eat at normal speed. Maybe they are the happy medium we've been looking for.

It's two for one day here at the Garden because it's What Do You Love Monday and I need to share my things I love. In sticking with the theme, I'll share some of the wierd things I love.

-French Fries dipped in Wendy's Frosty
-Disney Channel shows
-The smell of Alberson's brand glass cleaner
-Organizing
-Crayola Crayon smell

What Wierd Things Do You Love?

four

That's the number of gray hairs that I plucked out of my newly 26-year-old scalp this morning. One for each of the small children that are in my home today (two of my own, two borrowed).

According to the Old Wive's Tale, I will soon have 12 gray hairs. They say that for each gray hair you pluck out, three new ones will grow in it's place. Did I do that math right? 4 hairs times 3 is 12, right? Did I mention I have four small children in my house today? This lady that came up in my google search says that it's a myth and it only seems true because my "body has begun the graying process and in it’s natural course more and more hair roots begin to produce gray hair instead of the former youthful color." Oh that's even better news. Did I also mention that I'm only 26?

I'm too young to be gray. I'm still getting used to the new darker hair that two pregnancies lovingly bestowed on me. Nature made a big mistake with this one. Dark hair does not do anything for my skin tone. I had to go have it highlighted to look like me!

But there's good news! Some guy named Ray says that it's just because my diet has been "too yang" for a long time and I just need more "yin." Perfect! Oh wait. Ray also says that the stress of raising his teenage daughter caused him to go gray and no amount of yin could change that.

I'm dooooooomed!

Taylor Hicks would probably have many words of wisdom for me, but for now I'm just going to look on the bright side:

Bright Side #1--I'll have a good excuse to get my hair done often.

Bright Side #2--I'm already married. I don't have to try to find my soul mate while blinding him with my shiny silver locks.

Bright Side #3--People will think I'm the Grandmother and not give me disapproving looks when my kids throw fits in public. They'll just give me looks of sympathy thinking that it's their parent's fault and not mine.

Bright Side #4--People will stop telling me that I'm too young to have two kids.

Bright Side #5--Maybe I'll be offered a Senior Citizens discount.

Bright Side #6--When I'm 60, I can say "I have the same hair I had at 30!" and not be lying.

Gray is the new blonde. Just you wait and see.

what do you love? (part two)

What Do You Love? I stole this title from one of my favorite children's books. It is about the sweetest little puppy boy and all the things he loves. Little things like park slides and piggyback rides, ice-cream bars and shooting stars, mud pies and mommy's eyes, jumping puddles and mommy's cuddles. I love the sweetness and the innocence of the things he loves. It's the simple things in life that I love the most. So, from here on out, It's "What Do you Love Mondays" here at my blog. Mondays are usually blah for me and I need a few moments to think of all the things that are good and wonderful about life. Here's what I love today:

Spring Flowers
Summer Days at the Park
Late Summer Nights
4th of July Parades
Sandy Beaches
Crisp Apples
Barbeques
Swimming Pools
Sweet Baby Smells

What do you love today?

what do you love? (part one)

Wow. Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love, support, and concern---both in comments here, in email, and in phone calls. I'm so thankful for friends and readers like you all! Today is a better day. The sun is shining and so is my soul.

This is part one of a two part segment. Today's segment is a photo tour of my backyard displaying all of my favorite spring things. There is definitely beauty all around.

(click on any photo to see it larger)

i'm tired

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. We've all heard about the five stages of grief, right? It sounds so simple. Get through the first four stages and voila, you've made it! I've learned that it's not quite that simple.

I was diagnosed with Lupus (and maybe Rheumatoid Arthritis) in December 2004. I definitely had the denial thing down pat. It didn't seem real and it wasn't real. I was only 24! I was definitely too young to be hobbling around with my knees aching and my hands hurting too much to diaper my 2 month old baby. "This is just some wierd fluke thing and it's going to go away," I thought. It didn't go away. In fact, it got worse. The medications my doctor tried didn't work and that's when the anger set in.

I was ticked. I wanted to yell, kick, scream, swear, and blame someone. Mostly I blamed myself. If I had not done _____, then this wouldn't have happened to me. If I had just _____, this wouldn't have happened to me. That's when I started bargaining.

If I had done something to make this happen, surely I could bargain with God to get me out of it. I did everything I knew how to do and made every bargain with God I knew how to make. But nothing changed. I was still in pain, still tired all of the time, and I had still had Lupus. I was broken. Guess what came next? Ya, I was depressed.

How could I not be depressed? I hurt all the time, I was tired all of the time, I had done something to make this happen to myself, and God had forsaken me. Depression affects everyone differently, but for me, depression makes me want to sleep all of the time, stay home and wallow in self-pity, and I'm short tempered. After awhile there, I started to come out of the hole and realize (with the help of some great friends) that I would get through this, it wasn't my fault, and that I would be okay.

Ahhhh, Acceptance. It would be smooth sailing from here on out, right? RIGHT?

Oh no! It doesn't work that way. It's all too easy to sink back in and go through all of these stages over and over again! I go through phases of denial fairly often, anger even more often, depression most often, and throw a bit of bargaining in for good measure. Every time a medication fails, I get depressed. Every time I fill my med box with my daily dose of 12+ pills, I get angry.

Today? Today I'm just tired. I'm taking yet another medication and it hasn't worked yet and it makes me nauseated. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being broken.

I try not to complain. I try to be strong. I try to keep it together. I think I'm failing.

poor mouse

After a weekend of General Conference and rain, the daddy said "I'm tired of being cooped up in the house."

The Little Boy overheard and asked, "Why'd you poop on the mouse?"

Apparently, the earwax buildup is worse than we thought.