the reason we keep him around...

Little Boy: Jesus made us, Dad. I want to write a letter to Jesus and say thank you for making us.

Dad: You don't have to write him a letter. You can just thank-you in your prayers.

Little Boy: I love Little Sister. Jesus made her. I want to write a letter to Jesus. It will say 'Dear Jesus, thanks for building us.'

sibling matters

Hello out there? Anybody still around? I have no explanation for my absence other than I didn't have anything to say. Okay, I take that back. I had plenty of things to say, but couldn't figure out how to say them. Plus, it's all boring philosophical junk. Here's just one thing that has been on my mind...

Ever since Little Sister was born, I have been interested in sibling relationships. More specifically, how to help my kids have a good one and keep the rivalry to a minimum. I recently came across a great article in BYU Magazine called Brothers in Deviance explaining the influence that older siblings can have on younger ones. The opening paragraph caught my interest immediately:

The old adage that boys will be boys should be retired, according to BYU researcher Bert O. Burraston (BS ’91). It cuts parents too much slack when their boys bully younger siblings. Recent studies have shown that such bullying significantly increases the likelihood that younger siblings, particularly boys, will become bullies themselves—or worse.

Gulp. I've caught myself thinking "that's just what big brothers do" when Little Boy picks on Little Sister. I've also caught myself thinking "that's just what little sisters do" when Little Sister takes Little Boy's lego that he was reaching for and runs away. I've cut myself too much slack and probably should have done more to intervene and teach them the correct way to interact. I was hooked from there and thought the following information was so important:

Burraston’s findings are based on his recently published 11-year study of 105 boys at risk of delinquency. Although Burraston and his research partners acknowledge that a child’s behavior is shaped by a host of factors, having an older delinquent brother was a disproportionately strong indicator of delinquency. Using complex statistical modeling, the researchers showed that the delinquent older sibling passes on his behavior via two main ways—fighting with younger siblings and bringing deviant friends home. Children who experienced these factors were 25 percent more likely to engage in such behaviors as physical violence, criminal activity, drug and alcohol use, and sexual activity.

Fighting, or what researchers call “sibling conflict,” includes physical conflict, yelling, nagging, and stealing a sibling’s belongings. Burraston and his colleagues found that when an older sibling was in grade school, the more he fought with a younger sibling, the more likely both siblings were to become delinquents in adolescence.

But don’t all brothers and sisters, but especially brothers, yell at each other and deliver at least an occasional jab? Yes, says Burraston, and parents should be concerned. While eliminating all conflict isn’t realistic, parents should take steps to reduce it as much as possible. Parents need to teach their children to resolve conflict without violence or intimidation. “The more the children fought with one another, the more apt they were when they were older to do deviant things when they hung out together.”

Double Gulp. I've always known that I felt it was important for my kids to get along. I wanted our home to be a place where they fit in, feel loved, and don't feel threatened. If they are fighting and picking on each other that can hardly feel like a happy and safe place to be.

The article goes on to explain some ineffective parenting techniques along with some effective ones. Let's just say I'm guilty of nattering and trying to mend my nattering ways. You must read the article to figure out what that means!

Sibling conflict is basically a form of antisocial behavior, says Burraston, and the antidote is pro-social skills. So rather than nagging at kids when they quarrel, parents need to give their kids tools for handling conflict.

That's something I never would have thought of: Sibling Conflict=Antisocial Behavior. I have to admit that is a good motivator for me to help my kids learn the tools for handling conflict with each other.

Burraston likes to remind LDS parents how serious this parental responsibility is by quoting King Benjamin’s sermon in the Book of Mormon: “And ye will not suffer your children that they . . . fight and quarrel one with another. . . . But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another” (Mosiah 4:14–15).

This is not a new problem. There has been sibling conflict since the beginning of man (think Cain & Abel). It was obviously a big enough problem that King Benjamin felt it necessary to address his people about it. I just hope that I can be a parent who gets it right and can teach them to truly love one another and to serve one another.

wordless wednesday--halloween edition

happy halloween

Let the carving begin!

Little Sister missed the point of cleaning out pumpkins. As soon as hers was cleaned out, she filled it back up...and then some.

Little Boy's "bumpy little pumpkin":

Daddy's "Super Grumpy Gus": Mommy's "swiss cheese" pumpkin and "Nellie Nose-Job":
Happy Halloween!!!

the first safety moment

Since my certification as a carseat technician, I have been thinking about what safety information I wanted to share here on my blog. I found this video yesterday and it's the answer! It was created by a 17-year-old girl trying to persuade her older sister to leave her neice rear facing. It's incredible, informative, and I'm so impressed.

As an added bonus, it has one of my favorite songs in it!

Tell me what you think.

all is well

When I talked to the doc yesterday, she told me on the phone that there was some inflammation in Little Sister's colon and that we needed to talk about the why and what to do next... I thought she was giving me the tip of the iceburg and needed to tell me more. She really WAS telling me what was going on. There is inflammation in her colon and that is what is causing the diarrea. It's leftover from when she had giardia several months ago. The giardia is gone, but her immune system is over reacting and still fighting something that isn't there anymore. BUT, she doesn't have an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). But, without treatment and with my history of autoimmune disease, it could easily develop into IBD. We're starting her on some medication that should heal her colon. She also has some inflammation in her stomach, but he thinks that is caused b/c the stomach is over compensating for the colon and should go away as the colon heals. If it doesn't, he'll give her prevacid. This should also help her raspy voice to go away and her real voice (that we've never heard) come through! The meds should start working in 2 weeks and we have a follow-up in 4 weeks. I hope this works and stops her from getting IBD.

My royal freak-out (Emily, I think of you every time I use or think that term) was unnecessary, thank goodness. I kept thinking the worst. The words "Colon Cancer" kept going through my mind until I had myself convinced that she had it. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I heard that it was not so severe and treatable.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I could really feel them and it helped so much!

three things (updated)

1. So, I didn't make the cake. Emily's friend, Applemom, made it for me. The moment I saw the cake that pesky ole perfect woman made for Emily, I knew that I must have one for Little Sister's party. Everything else revolved around the cake. It was vanilla cake with whipped cream frosting and mini-chocolate chips. It was delicious! And the two little candles on top? Crafted by Applemom for the occasion! She should open a business, really.

2. I talked to Sister's doctor last week about her procedure and they didn't have the results. They needed a second opinion, so they sent her biopsies to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City. It looks like she could have Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, or another inflammatory bowel disease. It was not what I was expecting to hear. To be perfectly honest, I was expecting to hear "Nothing is wrong...we don't know why she has the problems she does." I got my crying out and decided to move forward and wait for a definitive answer. I've waited and waited and waited. Still nothing. This mama is about to throw a tantrum.

3. Some things you should try:

*Hot Spinach and Artichoke Dip at Chili's. YUM.

*Gerber Grins & Giggles baby lotion in the Sweet Pea scent. It's sweet

*Homemade laundry detergent. Yes, you heard me right. My sister-in-law introduced me and it's really easy, and really cheap! I just made the dry powder. It should last me a long while!

Have a Happy Wednesday!

**UPDATE: I heard from the doctor after I posted this yesterday. She asked us to come in this morning to discuss everything and discuss treatment options. She didn't tell me over the phone what is going on. I've been a bit of a mess. Steve is out of town (and he's very upset that he's not here), so my awesome friend Emily is going with me to the appointment for support and to help me listen to the doctor.**

princess party

The prettiest princess in all of the land

is having a party that's sure to be grand!The Queen got to work and a plan was laid

Orange and Pink in every shade!To welcome the guests a carpet of red

"No, No, it should be pink!" she said.We're almost ready, it's just about time

The only thing left is the Tiara to shineThe guests arrive at the door and it's Cinderella!

and a few handsome princes and one sleeping fella.We ate some good food and made a lot of noise

We then ate some cake and opened some toys.
It's your birthday, Princess, you are officially TWO!

Happy birthday, Little Sister, Happy Birthday to YOU!

terrific two

Little Sister is Two! I have been reminiscing all weekend about the day she was born. It was a perfect day and we were so excited to welcome her into our family. Shortly after she was born, I wrote up a birth story so I could always remember the details and share it with her when she starts having her own babies. Here it is:

After a couple of weeks of almost constant contractions and a false alarm that left me at 4cm and 75% effaced, we decided to induce labor. I had been very hesitant to talk about induction because I didn’t want to have to use pitocin. Since my previous labor had been very quick after my water broke, my doctor decided that we would just break my water and see where we got from there without having to use pitocin.

We arrived at the hospital at 8am on Thursday, October 14th. I had an IV started right away and started a round of antibiotics because I was Group B Strep positive. At 10am, my doctor came and broke my water and stripped my membranes. Steve and I walked the hallways for about a half hour, but there was too much pressure on my back and bladder to walk very much. We went back to the room and watched the news on TV. I was disappointed that my contractions didn’t pick up right away, but I kept reminding myself that this was going to take longer since it was an induction. Around noon, true labor got underway. The contractions started picking up quite a bit and were 3 minutes apart and hurting. They got progressively stronger for the next hour and I asked for the epidural at 1pm. The anesthesiologist was in on a c-section, so I had to wait for him and while waiting for him the contractions were pretty bad---but I was still able to breathe through them. I was 6cm dilated when the epidural went in at 1:30pm. I felt great after the epidural! My OB came in at 2:20pm and checked me and I had only changed slightly—I was a “loose” 6cm still. She suggested pitocin to speed things up so that she would be there to attend the birth (she wasn’t the OB on call that evening). I agreed since I had already had the epidural and wasn’t worried about the pain anymore. She told the nurse to start pitocin and said she was going over to the other hospital to check on some other patients and would be back in 2 hours. While waiting for the pitocin to arrive from the hospital pharmacy, I felt different and felt a lot of pressure at 2:40pm. The nurse checked me and I was 8cm. Only 3 minutes later I felt much more pressure and a slight urge to push. The nurse checked again and sure enough I was 10cm I had gone from 6cm to 10cm in 25 minutes. I guess the mere threat of pitocin got my body into gear! The nurse paged my OB and she had just gotten to the other hospital, but turned around to come back. I felt a lot of pressure with each contraction and a slight urge to push, but I didn’t need to push, so we waited for my doctor.

In the meantime, I called my mom in Florida so she could be on the line while I delivered the baby. I also asked the nurse to set up a mirror so that I could watch while I pushed and see the baby come out. My doctor arrived around 3:05pm and got dressed for the delivery and we got the bed set up. I started pushing at 3:11pm and watched in the mirror as her head came out. The cord was around her neck, so the doctor pulled that around her head and suctioned her nose and mouth. It was neat to be able to watch the entire process in the mirror. I could feel a lot of pressure, but no pain. Our darling daughter was born at 3:16pm after only 5 minutes of pushing! It was so amazing to watch her birth in the mirror and to feel her come out. She looked so tiny to me. I said something about her being tiny and the nurse and doctor said “No, she’s not!” She weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces and measured 20 inches long.

We are thrilled with our birth experience! My labor and delivery was only 3 hours long and everything went perfectly with no complications at all. I had been worried about things like having an episiotomy, having to use pitocin, and not making it to the hospital in time. I didn't need the episotomy or the pitocin in the end and I am very grateful that my doctor decided to break my water. She told me that with the way things happened with the induction, I probably wouldn’t have made it to the hospital had my water broken at home since I would have already been in labor.


It seems so long ago, but it's still easy to remember how I felt. The moment she was born I immediately felt like I was seeing an old friend that I hadn't seen in a long time. I remember telling her the first time I held her "I've missed you so much!" It was kind of an odd feeling, but I know it wasn't our first time meeting. I love my little girlie!

thanks so much

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

Little Sister's procedures went well. She was great! She did take longer than normal to start breathing on her own afterwards and to wake up (which scared me!!!) but she did fine. The doctor said that everything looked normal and good, but he took several biopsies to test. We don't have any results yet, but should hear something by Monday. If they don't find anything wrong, they will just give her Imodium to help. I certainly don't want anything to be wrong with her, but going through all of this because she needs a little Imodium seems extreme! Time will tell...

Little Sister's big birthday party is tomorrow!!! We are excited and you'll get a full report as soon as I recover from it!

prayers for little sister, please!

Little Sister is having a birthday on Saturday! She is getting the world's worst birthday present: a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy. I'm just glad she's too young to remember.

She has been seeing a pediatric GI doctor for her chronic diarrhea problems and they haven't been able to find anything wrong with the blood and stool tests. She is having the procedures done tomorrow morning. I haven't been very stressed about it because I'm a "last minute stresser" and the last minute seems to be starting. I'm not very stressed about the tests, but I am stressed about the anesthesia. She's so little!

Next on the list for birthday celebrations....immunizations next Tuesday! The poor girl can't win.

"the spinach scare is stupid! we want spinach!"

A printed sign explaining why there wasn't any fresh spinach on shelf at the grocery store was hanging above the former spinach display spot. A person desperately missing his spinach scrawled the above statement on the sign.

What do you think? Is the spinach scare stupid? Do you want your spinach back? Would you buy it if it was back on shelf today?

wordless wednesday

ghosts & ghouls of halloween past

I love Halloween! Not the spooky-skeleton-blood-and-guts-vampires-and-monsters kind, but the fun kind! The kind where kids can dress up as whatever they want and roam the neighborhood asking for candy. I especially like the making of fun costumes and decorating with pumpkins!

The first Halloween in the Garden was rather tame. Little Boy was only four months old and I had not yet discovered the joys of costume making. He was a hand-me-down pumpkin and while he was rather cute (and round just like a pumpkin) I knew there was something missing.

The next Halloween I ventured out a little and turned Little Boy into a Little Puppy.

(See his little tail? That was my favorite part!)
Halloween #3 was only a couple weeks after Little Sister was born. I hardly remember it, but I do remember that Little Boy was a sweet Scarecrow. I didn't dress up Little Sister that first year and it didn't really matter since she spent the entire time nursing anyway. Here is Little Scarecrow with his cousins The Cat & The Princess:Halloween #4 was the first one where Little Boy had costume preferences. Not only did he have a preference about his own, but he was adamant that he knew what Little Sister wanted to be as well...
The Little Super Hero:
The Little Lady Bug:
Halloween #5 is fast approaching and two very cute costumes are in the works. Little Boy wants to be a Big Black Spider and Little Sister is going to be Minnie Mouse. They are in the process of being created...

28 Days and counting....Get a move on folks!

I DID IT!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, I wrote this here on my blog:

I have a dream to become a Child Passenger Safety Expert. I love learning about this, especially about carseats. I spend a lot of time researching and reading about them and take pride in knowing how to install and use carseats correctly. Did you know that 80-95% of carseats are used incorrectly? Even a properly installed carseat won't work if the child isn't in the seat correctly. Also, a child who is in a seat correctly won't be fully protected if the carseat isn't installed correctly. I am passionate about my children being as safe as possible. I pay attention to carseats. I pay attention to how people use them, how children are harnessed in them, and to how the carseats work.

Dream fulfilled!! I am now a Certified Child Passenger Safety Technician! Four days of training behind me and I completed my first carseat safety check yesterday. I had a blast and four kids in my city are now safer because I helped their moms secure the seat and the child properly and safely.

One of my instructors is a Police Officer in my city. He has asked me to volunteer doing checks at my local Police Department. I am very excited and I am so happy that I have finally done this. As silly as it may sound, I feel like this is part of my calling in life.

Look for future blogs with carseat safety tips and features!

~Constant Gardener & Carseat Technician

the time has come...

...for this mom of a certain Little Boy to start checking pockets on laundry day.

Marbles, wood chips, rocks, coins, nails, beads, foam, and crayons have made their way into my washing machine hitchhiking in Little Boy's pockets. I'm starting a collection and refuse to empty it because it makes me smile every time I do the wash. I'm just adding to it and maybe I'll take another picture in a couple months.

I'm just grateful that dark crayon didn't make it into the dryer.

evidence i'm a terrible mother...

It is 60 degrees outside and very windy and my almost-two-year-old daughter is playing outside.





Naked. So much for modesty. Or warmth.

wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if life were easy? Wouldn't it be nice if choices were easy to make? Wouldn't it be nice if every choice we made had no negative consequences? Wouldn't it be nice?

Life isn't easy, choices aren't easy to make, and every choice has it's pros and cons.

I wrote a post on May 1st all about making choices. There was a story behind the post, but one I couldn't share yet. The way I described feeling in that post is the way I have felt all summer long as we have had to make choices regarding employment and where we live. Steve was approached twice by others in his company about considering a new position within the company. The pay would be good, but we'd have to move to Arkansas. Thanks, but no thanks he told them. The third time he was approached it was by a Vice President in the company. Saying No to him didn't seem like a good thing to do, so he said he'd consider it. I was thinking about it and suddenly felt like God was saying to me "I'm trying to give you something here, but I can't force you to accept it. What more do you want me to do?" Sobbing like a baby, I told Steve we should consider it seriously. This is the right thing to do I told him. We made a trip to Arkansas, found a beautiful house, and sat back to wait for the offer. It didn't come and didn't come and didn't come. Finally, Steve's boss approached him and said that it hadn't come through because he asked them to hold it. He had another position he wanted Steve to consider. This position is the one Steve has been working towards and the one that he really wants. We put Arkansas aside and headed to Arizona. While Arizona is a great place and has it's own kind of beauty, we definitely weren't in Boise anymore, Toto.

We have only lived in Boise for 2 1/2 years, but it feels like home. Neither of us have family here and we are both far from our first homes, but we love it. We had hoped to spend a very long time here. The friends we have both made here and reconnected with here mean so much to us and I'm scared that I'll lose them. Just the idea of us moving I feel has pushed a couple of them away. I don't blame them---Why spend a lot of effort cultivating a friendship with someone who will be leaving soon? But it still hurts and I miss them. Maybe I've done some pushing away too. Maybe it won't hurt so much to leave if we aren't that close anyway.

Sometime after the New Year, we will be packing up our family and head South to in the desert among the cactus, scorpions, and rock landscaping. But for now, I'm not going thinking about it. It's not happening. Maybe in January I'll think about it again. Maybe. If I have to. But I don't to. Wouldn't it be nice if I didn't have to?

:(

It's September 16th and I had to turn on my heater this morning. This is so uncool.

happy, sad, and everything in between

Where have I been!? I can't believe it's really been pretty MIA for a week. But I have a good excuse...

Do you remember Mandy? She came to visit me! She brought her adorable baby boy, Special K, with her and made me all kinds of happy! We had a great visit that went completely too fast and ended entirely too soon. As I dropped her off at the airport this morning and hugged and kissed that sweet baby boy I became so sad. We live so far apart and I don't know when we will see each other next.

I thought that at the end of 5 days of being together she'd be sick of me and my kids and that she'd be itching to get out of here. I thought that I'd be ready to get back to normal (as I always am when company leaves). Neither proved true. While she did want to get home to see her husband, she wasn't ready to leave and I didn't want her to leave!

I'm so grateful that she was able to come out here. It was so fun and exciting to see each other on a new level. We've been fun and irresponsible college kids together. Now we got to see each other as wives, mothers, and women. It was eye-opening, a bit surreal, and so wonderful!

The connection that Mandy and I have never ceases to amaze me. It's like we can read each other's thoughts. It's sappy, I know, but I have no doubt that Mandy and I knew each other at some other point in time and were meant to meet and be friends at this time.

I completely fell in love with her little 9-month-old son! Check out the cuteness of this kid:

He the most sweet and loving baby! I miss him already. I kept telling Mandy that she could just leave him with me, but for some reason she wanted to keep him around.

In other news...A few of you asked to see the paint in Little Sister's room...here you go!

I can't figure out what those two reflections are (the round one and the square one)...but I couldn't get a picture without them!